Toddlerhood

Toddlerhood has been kicking my butt these past few weeks so I thought I would share this quote that lives on my bulletin board. I put it up there when Q was just a few months old and I was consumed with making all sorts of decisions about sleep training, breastfeeding, vaccines, etc.. but it really has helped me now as well when I am struggling with diet, discipline and routine.


Peaceful Problem Solving

There are no absolute rules about raising children and no guarantees for any parenting techniques. Raise your children how you choose to raise them and in ways that are right for you. Within the range of your comfort zone, modify your approach for each of your children based on their needs, personality, and temperament.

Address only those problems that are true problems to you, and don't create or imagine problems because someone else things you have them, no matter if that person is family, friend, or expert.

Keep your problems in perspective and take ample time to plot the best course of action. Solve your problems by analyzing possible solutions and choosing those solutions that are right for you and your family. Know tat there is rarely one right answer, and often it will take multiple routes before getting to the best destination.

React, listen, and learn constantly, but always sift what you learn through the strainer of your own personal beliefs and parenting philosophy.

- Elizabeth Pantley

Mommy Instinct

Oh man does it suck to have a sick kid!

The little one has respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) which is a really common virus, in adults it's just a bad cold and we usually don't even know it's RSV, in kids it's a lot worse though. It still acts like a bad cold but it's a lot easier to have breathing problems and lung infection, oh and it's highly contagious and takes a good week or two to kick. Major bummer when we have family coming into town and a memorial to plan for my grandfather. Q has been going to the doctor daily and started 3x daily nebulizer treatments, he seems to be on the upswing so we're hopeful that by the middle of next week he will have some of his energy back and will be able to spend time with his cousins.

While it would seem that we are on the way out of this mess, RSV can get nasty and so we still have to watch the boy carefully. Everything I read says to trust your instinct, watch for labored breathing, wheezing, any other signs of respiratory distress, and mostly to trust your gut and go to the dr or ER as soon as you feel like you need to. My husband, mother and doctor would all agree that I have a strong (and good) instinct but I find myself really scared and doubting my instinct a lot this week. I mean, how could I make decisions on my kids well being based on anything less than fact? I know trusting your instinct isn't really a gamble but if I'm good at listening to my instinct I'm equally as good at doubting myself when under pressure, and there's nothing like sleep deprivation and a feverish lethargic child to make me feel under pressure. It all comes back to one question for me - how can you ever really know?

If I had to answer my own question I guess I would say you never really do know. You do your best, you hope you're right, and when it comes to things most precious (like my boy) you err on the side of caution. I can tell myself that, but last night when Q had a coughing jag that made me jump out of my chair screaming for my husband to come quick I had to stop and think about what my instinct was telling me. Was I a overreacting first time mom or was my instinct saying something important? On the one hand I was ready to jump in the car and run straight to the ER. But on the other hand I wanted everyone else to listen to his breathing and tell me what I should do, make the decision for me. I am embarrassed to admit that I also thought about the ER bill that we just got done paying for my husband, what they could and would do for him at the hospital (nebulizer treatment) and my sleep deprivation before I decided that if no one else heard anything amiss then we would just stay home and see if anything else changed. It sounds like a decision someone else would have no problem making but I keep beating myself up for not listening to, or not having a good instinct.

Does everyone doubt their instinct? Does it help or hinder to doubt your instinct? and how?

Fevers and Folk Remedies

The littlest one has been sick for the past few days - fever, diarrhea, throwing up, snotty nose, etc. This is his first time being sick and it stinks! I am struggling with the fever the most - let it go or treat it? I know a fever has an important job and I want to let it do that job "burning up the germs", but I also can't stand to see my boy so lethargic and unhappy. Last night as the fever crept up I decided to try out some natural ways of lowering the fever, or at least making Q more comfortable. Cool washclothes on his head, a tepid bath, lots of skin to skin with momma all seemed to help. We also tried a few other things people told us about - lemons boiled and putting warm cloths soaked in the lemon juice around his legs and we also tried an onion by the bed as he sleeps. I can't say that either worked miracles but we all slept much better last night. We did try a little tylenol when the thermometer topped 103 but it was mostly spit out and we didn't try again. Today he's been pretty steady with a 100-101 temp. Poor baby. I'm looking forward to this being behind us, I want my happy and playful boy back. So... you got any other home remedies we should try?

On a side note - Many people believe that fevers help to shape the child and help their being evolve. I don't know if I believe that but I do know that he's not quite the same kid he was before this sickness, he's different and I can't quite explain it.

Decision Making is Hard

Moms make a lot of decisions. I would say parents make a lot of decision, but, well - In the many discussions B and I had before Q was born we talked about my role as a stay at home mom. One thing we talked about was while B is obviously a parent and involved in all major decision making, there would be a lot of decision making that I would make while he wasn't around. Small things of course but big things too - nap schedules, buying baby stuff, etc. We agreed that as a stay at home mom it would fall to me to keep up to date on important baby related information - health info and all sorts of other stuff. This means I read all the books and then pass on the info, links, or the post-it marked books to B. If you know me you know how much it kills me to have to do all this reading about baby stuff (sarcasmsarcasm). I've been thinking that I'd like to post some book reviews here on my blog because I've read some interesting books that I'd love to recommend (and warn against!). I've been thinking about information tonight; where parents get it, what they do with it, and what information to trust and follow. I find myself being a little bit of a hypocrite on certain things and I wanted to explore that and find my way. I find parenting to be a very windy path and a good chance for some self exploration and I hope to flesh some my own self exploration out here on my blog. Feel free to critique or comment as you wish.
The thing about me being a hypocrite - I noticed this today, well, this particular thing - I was talking to B, making some point about developmental milestones, and I heard myself say "the AAP, the WHO, and LLL all agree that..." but I also know that I don't follow a lot of guidelines given by these organizations because I think of them as outdated, incorrect, or otherwise not worthy of following. Let me qualify that by saying that there are a number of things these organizations recommend that pediatricians themselves do not agree with AND these organizations rarely agree with each other on specific issues.
I feel like a hypocrite because I use those organizations to support some of my choices and I rail against these organizations for their stance on other choices I make happily. I can't have it both ways, but I choose to anyhow.

The one thing that's indisputable in decision making is what works for you (given that you're not actual harming yourself or your child obviously). But then again some people would think you are harming your child for something as simple as... I don't know, but something simple.

I've been spending time with a variety of moms lately and I love being around people who make such different decisions than I do, I like to find out why they do what they do. Not in a critical way, but because it makes me examine myself and it usually makes me go to google and do some more research on something. It would be easy for one (like me) to alienate themselves by being very high and mighty about their decisions and preaching about how wrong people are for doing something. But who am I to talk? I know I'm not doing everything "right". Heck, I'm not even doing everything the way I want to be doing it, but everyday I try to do it better than the day before. I'm trying to move towards my idea of "right" which is obviously different from everyone elses (as it should be).

I have very strong opinions about how my children should be born and raised, but I recognize that not everyone feels the way I do (how boring would that be?) and I honestly appreciate it (for the most part). I'm really trying to make well informed decisions. I don't want to be someone who tells someone else what to do or why what they are doing is wrong just because it's not the decisions I made. But I'll be the first to hand you a book to educate yourself, which is not to say that if you are educated you would make the same decision I would. I like that even more. I love it when I find someone who read the same book I did and came out with a completely different take on things - its fascinating and it usually makes me go re-read the book and get lots more information than I had before.

Education is probably the thing I feel most strongly about. I try to respect any decision that is well educated. I think as a parent it is an incredible disservice to our children to follow pediatrician and government recommendations blindly. When I do follow someones suggest I want to follow with my eyes wide open, reading and trying to understand as much as I can.

Speaking of which, what is UP with pediatricians wackadoodle recommendations lately? I feel like I have read a million and one stories recently about pediatricians saying the most bizarre things and giving all sorts of parenting advice opposed to medical advice. That would make me bonkers!

I think the two things I feel most strongly about as a parent are these: educate yourself and trust (and follow) your intuition. I'm working on both of those.

Thank you for reading these late night ramblings.

Oh, and please recommend your favorite books to me!

A Funny Story

We're trying to be consistent with dinnertime, having it together at the table before Q's bedtime. The bedtime thing is the tricky part usually since he goes to bed at 7:30 and I have to be on the ball to have dinner ready by 6:30. It doesn't always happen. But the other night at dinner (at the table) B and I were talking about how much he watches us and takes his cues from us. B made a comment about us having a civilized meal and Q growing up with that (one of things B values about his childhood) - I of course had to make it into a joke and so I started acting really silly and manner-less. I was talking loudly with my mouth full of food and generally being very exaggerated for Q's benefit. Well Q-man didn't appreciate it at all and he pouted out his lower lip and after a few chin quivering moment he let out a howl that made his Papa jump up and pick him up out of his bumbo chair where he was having dinner with us. He calmed down immediately for his dad and gave me a dirty look and wouldn't come near me without crying for a while. Apparently he does not think it's funny when his Momma has no manners. The whole situation was quite funny though (in hindsight of course).